Heart pounding!
Head pounding!
The pressure building up in my eyes is unbearable because there is nothing else I want but to let the tears roll down from my eyelids, to my cheeks, down my neck. I need to feel the tears. I need to release the frustration that is so deep within me it brings constant pain throughout my body.
I need to scream! I need to scream so hard that my voice can be heard from every corner of the building. I need my scream to be felt by others. I need my scream to sound exactly how I feel.
I need to cry hard! My cry needs to rupture from deep within my body, my soul. I am talking about deep sobbing. I am talking about the crying and sobbing that makes your body shake. The crying and sobbing that makes you lose your breath and begin hyperventilating.
I need a release! I need a moment to sit back and take in all of my emotions. I need to check my emotions and think about what is really bothering me. I need to understand what I want out of life. I need to figure out what makes ME happy.
As I sit there looking at this Man that loves me so, I feel the warmth fill throughout my body. Can you imagine no physical contact, only simple conversation needed to feel this way? I knew the moment I sent that text that said I wanted to meet for lunch; he would understand exactly what I needed at that very moment!
The moment he appeared at the doorway I no longer needed to scream! I no longer needed to cry! I know longer needed a release! I simply needed to be reminded that I was just fine. I had everything I needed, my family. I am surrounded by those that love me for me, respect me, understand me, demand that I always put forth my best, but most importantly, encourage me and support me, NO MATTER WHAT! Looking into his eyes, he reminded me that I was exactly who I was supposed to be. Nothing more, nothing less!
Every moment we grow on a personal level. For me, I have not reached my “aha” moment. NOT EVEN CLOSE! Most of my frustrations are from always wanting more, always wanting to be better and reach that next level of success. Not for anyone else, but for myself. However, I must always remind myself:
- I must first accept myself for who I am before I expect anyone else to.
- I am the only one that can determine my happiness.
- Prioritize and understand, FAMILY FIRST! NO ONE is going to worry about what you need to do for your family and with your family. They are only thinking about what you can do for them. FAMILY FIRST!
- Take care of Michelle! If I cannot take care of myself, how do I expect to be there to take care of my family (my 12 year old reminded me of this when I wasn’t feeling well)?
- Sometimes change has to be forced. Embrace it! Own it! Change does not have to be negative!
- Love hard because love is real and love is powerful and my home is full of love!
LOVE YOURSELF! RESPECT YOURSELF AND DEMAND IT FROM THOSE YOU CHOOSE TO KEEP IN YOUR COMPANY (PERSONAL OR PROFESSIONAL). Until you do this, you bring nothing to the table. You will not gain the respect of anyone unless you give it and demand it in return.
I DO NOT NEED TO SCREAM!
I NEED TO LAUGH! Sometimes the sound of laughter is all that is needed when you reach the level of frustration.
I DO NOT NEED TO CRY HARD!
I NEED TO SMILE! When I smile, there always seem to be a sense of suspense. “Why are you always smiling?” “No reason other than I am blessed, confident in who I am, what I want and where I want to go!” Sometimes the tears might need to come out, but I will be the one who determines when and where that needs to happen!
I need a release!
YES I DO NEED A RELEASEI Everyone needs time they can let go all of the negativity that sometimes invades our body and souls. I need to simply find creative ways to release the demons that sometimes try to overpower my mind.
SMILE ON MY FACE!
EYES BRIGHT & CHEERY!
HEART FLUTTERING BECAUSE OF HAPPINESS AND SELF-ACCEPTANCE!
