The light

Even in my darkest days I could see the light. 

The light was beautiful,

The light was my awakening.

I knew there was nothing I could do at that very moment to change what was about to happen.

However, I knew that I felt a presence I could not explain, but one that protected me.

It was a presence that reminded me that I had too much to lose.

It was a presence that reminded me that there would always be a light.

The question for me would be,

Will you give you will up to experience a breakthrough to a new you?

Yes.  

Anything was better than this hell I was living at this moment.

The pain with him in between my legs, inside of me, slowly subsided.

I looked deeply in the light that shined so brightly and I knew I was okay,

I cannot explain it, but what I can tell you,

I was going to continue on my path,

I was going to be okay,

I was going to make it out alive to tell my story and make a difference.

Here I am, months, damn, almost two years later.

I get frustrated.  I get angry, heck, I am so angry.

I am angry that I can't erase the past,.

I get angry that the movie playing in my mind won't go away.

If only the movie could be something full of laughter and smiles, I would be okay with that.

But, today, I am here, living with the memories that haunt me, will always haunt me.

Yet, I see the light.

I see that light that saved me that day and told me to hold on, reminded me I would be okay,

The memories are painful.

The memories are embarrassing.

But, the memories do not hide that moment when I felt that presence that got me through the nightmare.

I always see light.

No matter how bad, how painful, I see the light.

I see the light that it will be okay.

I simply have to believe, have faith, and let be what is meant to be.

I will always see the light.

No matter how dark it becomes.

No matter how much pain I endure.

No matter how bad the future is,

The light is what I see and reminds me that in the darkest of times, there is always a way out, there is always a light that will guide me through and set me free from the hell I am living.

The light is my savior.

The light is my way out.

The light always reminds me that I have a chance, I have a choice to keep going and not give up.

Take A Ride With Me

Take a ride with me,

A ride of a lifetime.

A ride of beautiful pastures, beautiful rivers, beautiful mountaintops.

A roller coaster of vast emotions.

Emotions of love, sadness, happiness, and heartbreaks.

Many twist and turns.

Test of faith,

Test of truth.

Trust in the belief of self.

The belief that one can weather the many storms set in their path called life.

The belief that one is right where they are supposed to be at that very moment.

The moment when one is questioning their many decisions.

The moment when one is questioning their purpose.

The moment when one is questions whether to continue on.

The belief that one has the strength within to take them to the next level, new thoughts, the doors that will or will not open.  

Some which were once closed to them, sometimes for a reason they will never know.

Some because they had to win the small battles and fight through the trials and tribulations called life before the doors were to be opened for them.

Take in the air I breathe into my being.

Take in the smell of the sweetness of life.

Take in the taste of enjoying the full course of the master plan set before me.

Take a ride with me as I run the biggest race of my life.

Watch me fall.

Watch me question my next move as I analyze each angle, each trap, each possible escape.

Watch me get up and continue pushing through.

Sweat dripping,

Tears flooding my view,

Muscles of my face changing as I grit my teeth, sometimes smile, and sometimes cry in agony and happiness.

Game face clearly written all over my face and how I hold myself up.

Each step, each stride, long and steady.

Watch me work the curves in the road.

Watch me climb, working to reach the highest point of who I am, who I am meant to be.

Watch me jump the hurdles, high and with focus with full intent of jumping with fierceness of determination.

Watch me as I reach the finish line of one of the many races I am meant to compete in throughout my lifetime.

Take a ride with me.

It is a journey filled with many emotions, sometimes disappointments, but more importantly, a ride that will elevate me to a better me.

Take a ride with me.

MGJG

09/17/2016 @ 11:52 AM

Sweet Child

Hold your head up sweet child.

Do you know who you are?

 

You are first and foremost, a child of God.

That in itself is a gift to be grateful for.

 

Sweet child, yes you.

I am talking to that child within, wanting so bad to be held tight and loved for who she is.

Look into the mirror and see how beautiful you are.

 

Your cocoa skin, shining with the scent of the coconut oil rubbed deep in your skin.

Vaseline spread onto those beautiful lips of yours.

Yes, that's right, let me see those beautiful pearly white teeth shine through that bright smile.

 

Hair pulled back, away from your face.

Yes, a must, a beautiful face must not be hidden from the world.

 

Sweet child, yes you.

Do you know who you are?

 

You are fierce.

 

You are like a lioness protecting her cubs, her home, her family.

 

You are a protector who understands the value of family.

 

You are a warrior.

You have been through many battles and you understand all too well that in order to win, you must be 100% invested...and that you are.

 

You are a survivor.

Throughout all the paths of the journeys you have travelled thus far, you have found ways to endure through the pain and still persevere.

 

Sweet child, yes you.

Do you know who you are?

 

You are slowly becoming a new you.

Who you choose to be is up to you.

Hold your head up, shoulders back, and walk that walk and show the world who you are.

 

Sweet child, you are who you should be today and you are who you will be as you continue walking your path, your journey.

 

Sweet child, yes you.

Do you know who you are?

 

MGJG

03/31/2016 @ 4:15 PM

 

 

 



Where Is Everyone?

Where is everyone?

 

My soul is aching, my mind is in crumbled pieces.

 

I see the traffic and through the tears blurring my sight, I ask out loud...

 

Where is everyone?

 

I keep crying out for help, but no one hears my cries.

 

Can't you see the pain?  So evident if you really cared.

 

My eyes are empty, all life erased.

 

Eye shadow, mascara, and eyeliner can't liven up the darkness.

 

Where is everyone?

 

How have you not missed seeing my presence?

 

How come you only whisper and gossip to others, but choose to not ask?...where is Michelle?

 

Where is everyone?

 

They are where they always have been.  Let's be honest.  They are the spectators, they are the audience.  Watching, assuming, filling in the holes of the story they missed, but think they figured out, and chose to never ask.

 

Where is everyone?

 

Stop, only concern yourself with the few who you do not have to ask where they are.

 

It is a new season.  You are on a new journey to a new you.  The rebirth of a new Michelle.

 

This is the story of Michelle, the person who decided surviving was the only option.  Death no more.

 

But stop.  Death of that lost soul searching for everyone is a must.

 

There cannot be a rebirth without the death taking place.

 

Whatever it takes, that is me.  The matrix I was living on a crash course...absolute self-destruction.

 

Yes, whatever it takes.

 

Nose dive, straight into the mountains, inferno...Number one priority.  Ashes to be released upon my return with the ones I love and those that love me.

 

Spiritual awakenings.  Oh, what a blessing.  My faith tested, forced work to transform from the caterpillar to the beautiful butterfly meant to fly high and soar the skies.

 

Pump with all things that will allow me to transform, because I will do whatever it takes.

 

Tears flowing down my cheeks, the traffic is no longer an option.

 

Where is everyone?

 

No longer a factor where everyone is and where they have been.

 

With a purpose, I am fierce. 

 

For me, I am that warrior that survived.

 

MGJG

03/24/2016

Walk Through The Fire With Me

As I slowly but surely walk through the ashes of the fire I started, walk through it with me.

Stand with me as one.

Reassure me that we will survive the storm before us.

Constantly remind me of the triumphs that lay ahead.

Look beyond my flaws and look at the beauty of my battle scars.

With each step, ashes burning the bottom of our soles, show me that the fire burning before us will be the fuel I must use to win this battle I am in.

The smoke still burns black.

The pain is constantly too great to continue some days

On those days I stay in the present.

Yesterday is gone and tomorrow is not promised.

As I continue my walk on my path that was already chosen for me I remember I will remain here until I battle it out, until I work through all the pain, anguish, and hurt.

I have great things to accomplish.

I have something to say.

I have something to give back.

My pain, my heartache is someone else's light of hope.

The tears that flow from my eyelids, down my cheeks, from my chin,

Those tears are slowly putting out the fire.

Slowly but surely, the fire will cease to engulf my every being.

Stand with me as one.

Reassure me that we will survive the storm before us.

Constantly remind me of the triumphs that lay ahead.

Look beyond my flaws and look at the beauty of my battle scars.

As I slowly but surely walk through the ashes of the fire I started, walk through it with me.

This fire brewing is a strong and fierce one, but it is only fuel for a better me, a better us.

Tears flowing,

Blood dripping,

Fist flying,

Anger looking for a way to release itself,

Body filled with the poison of all the fear, anger, self-hate, 

Will you walk through the fire with me?

It will be a hard road to walk through, but I am ready.

Are you?

Are you ready to hold me up when I am falling and struggling to continue?

Are you ready to hear the pain that is deep within my soul?

Are you ready to walk through the fire with me?

Stand with me as one.

Reassure me that we will survive the storm before us.

Constantly remind me of the triumphs that lay ahead.

Look beyond my flaws and look at the beauty of my battle scars.

As I slowly but surely walk through the ashes of the fire I started, walk through it with me.

Sunday Dinners

What happened to family Sunday dinners...tradition??

Why are Sunday family dinners so important?  Because that is when the truth comes out.  That is where you open up about everything you have been holding onto but have not had the freedom to express your true feelings, however, it is where the family allows open dialogue to share how you feel without judgement, but you allow your feelings to be aired safely and openly.

Sunday dinners is a place where you can be you without being judged, but able to say what you mean and mean it and have great educational dialogue and the elders provide light where the darkness once prevailed.

Sunday dinners are important for a family unit to address the demons and darkness that stumps growth as a family.

Sunday dinners is where we open up as a family, talk, argue peacefully as a family and remember that we are one, we will and always will be a united front!

Sunday family dinners is what reminds us who we are, our family morals, and how we should move and take on our next battle as a family unit!