Over
the last few days I have been in a very dark place. I gratefully have had enough strength to
fight through impulses and simply been “still.”
That sometimes meant napping, “watching” TV, playing computer games, or “studying.” Anything to decrease flashbacks and the
overwhelming feelings associated with them.
I
have had to remind myself that I teach people how to treat me. So, when others do things intentionally, or
not to hurt me, I cannot reward their behavior.
It is hard to do something different, but that is a better feeling than
to feel unappreciated, unloved and not respected. I have to re-teach those closest to me how I
should be treated. I deserve that.
I
am making life decisions that others are not comfortable with. Whether it is due to my past behavior, or
their expectations of my role, it is time I truly focus on myself. All aspects of who I am. I need to learn who I am, what I enjoy, what
makes me happy, what I need, and who I want to be now, and the person I want to
grow into to be a better me. I need to
treat myself the way I want others to treat me.
Of
course, this is uncomfortable and scary, But, they are just feelings. I can get through this new season. It is time to trust myself, believe in myself
and love myself to know I am worthy. It
is necessary!
With
self-growth comes apprehension. But I am
ready to remove my cocoon and develop my wings and grow into a strong,
confident, and fearless butterfly.
I
am ready!
MGJG
06/02/2018 – 10:53 AM
