I AM!

My pulse is racing.

I am a cheetah running miles faster than my heartbeat can catch up to.

I am that lioness, armed and geared, ready to take on anyone and anything that threatens my pack.

I am a twig, one that breaks when the weather is too much to handle according to Mother Nature.

I am the fierce wind that engulfs all in its path and I don’t hold back, regardless of what’s is ahead.

I am that light at the end of the tunnel that reminds me there is a way out.

I am ….I am….

What am I?

Who am I?

I am…

Let it out,

Let it out,

The pain held so deep within, the pain that resurrects the true me is so wanting to escape.

The pain held so deep within wants and searches for an outlet.

An outlet of acceptance,

An outlet of inner peace.

The Hell I have been living, deep within is eating pieces of me away, bite by bite, gulp by gulp, day by day, hour by hour, minute by minute, second by second. 

I need a release.

This can’t be how life was meant to play out for me. 

Memories, painful memories eating away at me, slowly killing me.

I need a release.

I need to feel.

I need to feel the happiness.

I need to feel the pain.

Until I release the pain from my being, I am not and will not be at peace.

I thought,

Yes, I thought.

I thought I was cured from all the insanities of this world.

I thought I was cured from the pain brought onto me.

I thought I was cured from all of my insecurities, all my doubts, but I must have been fooled.

That is the story of my life.  

Wishful thinking?

Wishful beliefs of a better life to be?

When and how will the pain disappear?

Hmmmm, when I accept my past.

When I accept it is what it is and I am in control of how I allow it to control me! 

 I am in control!

We often forget how strong we are.  We often forget that we hold ourselves at a higher standard than others.  It is the self-expectations that enable us to  fight through all the pain, all the agony, all the bullshit that provides us with excuses of why, how and should of and could of.  It is these times that our subconscious helps us decide that we are bigger than, better than those self-expectations.  We hold these self-expectations as our bible because sometimes…it is the only thing that keeps us fighting for survival.  It is these expectations that keep us breathing.  It is the only thing that reminds us that we are human and we make mistakes, but our mistakes do not and should not determine our destiny.  It is our goals and aspirations that will push us to the next level of success.   It is our support system that will remind us we are imperfect and that the imperfections are what guides us to push ourselves just a little more, a little harder, enough to cross over that road block.

 I am that fierce cheetah running faster than my heartbeat can catch up to.  I am a fierce lioness protecting its pack.  I am the wind that engulfs all in its path and doesn’t hold back, regardless of what is ahead.  I am that light at the end of the tunnel that reminds me there is a way out!

Why, because it allows me to weather the storms and survive through them, no matter how fierce they are.  It allows me the view of a better me because what is life without goals, dreams and aspirations of being better than?  Why?  Keep asking yourself and don’t stop until you feel the answer within, pounded in your temples, your heart, each and every bone and muscle.  Keep asking yourself, you will be amazed!

This is what keeps me going every day. 

I remember I am whatever I want myself to be!

I am!