I Choose Me

At some point in my life I made a conscious decision that I was no longer okay being in so much pain.  I was at that place that I realized it was my responsibility to take an active role to making positive changes so I could experience life the way I deserved to, and the life I was created to live.  A life filled with happiness, fulfilling my dreams, and turning them into reality.

There have been many days when I have experienced joy, gratefulness, and love of myself.  Those days are always welcoming, and I feel blessed that I have and feel the positive surrounding me.  

Then there are the days of despair, pain, hurt, and nothing but the feeling of defeat.  These days are unbearable because it literally takes all the fight within me to get through the endless day that awaits me.  Every second that goes by seems like minutes.  Every minute that goes by seems like hours.  Every hour seems like days.  But they are only small periods of time that have passed by.

Everyday when I wake I have to remind myself that it is up to me to decide how I am going to approach the day.  I can choose to be grateful for waking up and having the opportunity to enjoy my many blessings and those which will continue to come my way; or I could focus on the negativity that is waiting to sink me deeper into depression and sense of defeat.  The choice is all mine, and mine alone.

Today, I fight the urge to sink.  The urge to sink into the arms of my enemies.  The devil, the first in line to welcome me into his hell of what he calls his paradise.

Today, I stand strong in my convictions, strong in my faith, and with my God covering me in his grace and mercy, I fight even harder to stay a victor in my daily battle of finding myself, liking myself, loving myself, learning to accept my past and all my imperfections.

Today's battle is a struggle.  A struggle to fight.  A struggle to remain in faith and understand that this moment which I no longer want to fight, I must fight that much harder.  A struggle to remind myself and actually believe that this struggle shall pass.

Today, just for today, at this moment, I declare victory in my battle.  This moment is all I have, and I have at this moment is worth fighting for.

At this point in my life I choose me.  Just for today, just for this moment, I choose me.

MGJG

7/10/2016 @ 1:42 PM