There is nothing like taking that first step.
I am not talking about the physical step.
I am talking about the step of having faith that you have made the right decision, the best decision.
I am talking about the step you decide to take when you are ready to life life, not just take up space in a world full of opportunity to find out who you are and what purpose you serve.
That step you take when you decide that you are sick and tired of being sick and tired.
The step you take when you are ready to me more than an empty mass of being taking up space in a world filled with particles of life finding their place and purpose to be be and do something great.
It was time to live and no longer just exist,
I had already arrived in Florida the evening before.
I had accepted the fact that I was going to experience a life for a few months full of new things I had never believed would be part of my life story.
Already away from my family and home for close to two months, my new season would begin at a place I new nothing of.
I had already surrendered and allowed those we were more competent and clear minded to make decisions for me so that I could be something and someone other than a person in a shell that had given up on living.
For over a year and a half I had lost the drive to fight the many demons that had been slowly eating away at me.
Each day I woke, I attempted hard to just be happy to wake and begin a new day without resisting the urge to give up all hope still left in me.
Afraid of my next steps and with uncertainty I would take in my healing, I took a moment to reflect on my past and why I was now in Florida.
I realized that surrendering my will to His was just the beginning.
Today, I would have to open myself up and learn how to trust.
Today, I would need to open my ears and my heart to finding out how a new way of thinking and approaching my inner demons would set me on a new and improved path of self-discovery and true happiness.
When I walked through the doors of Desert Rose, I immediately felt a calmness come over me.
To this day, I still cannot explain in words the feelings I was experiencing other than my soul speaking to me and telling me I could trust and believe.
The atmosphere was very welcoming and loving.
The words stenciled on the wall in the sitting area stared at me silently reminding me I was deserving of this opportunity.
The prayer room assured me that I was going to be protected and uplifted during my weakest and strongest moments.
Up until this moment, I had already known it was a divine intervention that connected me to Desert Rose, but that was the extent of this realization.
With my own personal treatment goals clear to me, I was explained the services of the program.
Intellectually, I understood the concept of a soul-centered treatment program they offered, but I knew I had to experience it in order to believe it would work.
Regardless, I was determined to protect my feelings and stick with my goals because up until recently, I had only experienced disappointments when I trusted others and opened myself up.
What I would come to find out and understand throughout my almost six months of treatment was that I needed to take the next step in my healing and recovery to discover who Michelle really was.
The process would be a difficult one to work through, but my job was to truly understand that I was not defined by my past.
In order to grow, it would take me deciding to open myself up, getting raw, getting real, and making a conscious effort everyday to embrace the present so I could shape my future, find my voice and be my authentic self.
The beauty of the program Desert Rose offered me was the ability to work through my recovery at my pace with consistent support, honesty, and introduction of ideas and new ways of finding myself in a safe and therapeutic setting.
For the many times I felt distant, different, and on an island by myself, I knew I was not alone.
What I understood...
Make no mistake, there was a reason I was where I was at this very moment.
The question for myself...
What was Michelle willing to do to rise above the adversities she had experienced?
I, Michelle decided...
I would light up every room I entered because I was learning to love myself for who I was.
My imperfections made me stronger and my past would help guide me through the paths my Higher Power chose for me.
That dark place inside my mind was holding me hostage.
It was time to vomit the negative feelings out so I could experience self-acceptance and forgiveness, and self-love.
I needed to discover who I truly was and wanted to become.
I needed to discover what inspired me.
I needed to change my perceptions and create my dream.
I, Michelle, had to be the change needed to elevate myself so I could transform to a beautiful, strong, and confident butterfly ready to live the life I was meant to live.
With the support, love, and understanding I was receiving daily, I was becoming stronger.
I was realizing that being a victim or allowing others to treat me as one was not acceptable or conducive to my healing.
I had realized I had reached the next step in my healing because I had become a warrior in my battle of finding Michelle.
With all the support I had allowed to become and enter into my life, I now had an army of soldiers that would fight with me as I continued to battle my inner-demons.
My army would hold me up, push me harder than ever before, and not allow me to quit, give up on myself or the process.
My army would remind me that with my faith, my ability to be grateful, and trust in the process through difficult times, I would survive and weather the many storms I would encounter.
With my army, they would help me sow the seeds and get grounded and deeply rooted spiritually.
As each day passed, my wings were becoming stronger.
Liking and truly loving myself was becoming more natural, second nature.
Cultivating gratitude as a blessing and becoming a part of my daily focus and meditation to get through the difficult moments in my healing.
I was understanding that dealing with the pain that had brought me to my current roadblock in my journey was and would be unforgettable. However, it was a necessary part of the healing process.
I had to go through that pain to get to the other side.
My fear, my pain were weeds in my garden that were suffocating the seeds.
I needed to take this time to weed my garden because the seeds were ready to grow.
Not dealing with the weeds, not feeling the pain was only suffocating my garden.
Weed by weed, each one needed to be plucked because a beautiful garden was ready to flourish and spread to other parts of my life.
Everyday I was meeting my personal treatment goals.
Some days were unbearable, filled with anger, resentment, pain, and sadness.
But, my wings were stronger than they had been in the last two years.
I had experienced a season in my life that I had never imagined I would be blessed with.
While there might have been doubts, concerns, and uncertainty, I knew a new season awaited.
My season at Desert Rose was amazing, but it was time for me to enter into a new one filled with many promises.
I had a spiritual awakening I never believed or ever imagined I would experience.
Through my spiritual awakening, along with the army of soldiers I gained, I once again felt safe, that I was loved, and that I, Michelle mattered.
Mind, body, and soul; I was rooted in the garden I was able to sow with love, faith, and trust. At Desert Rose.
I was inspired to take flight as the strong, beautiful, and confident butterfly that I had become during this season at Desert Rose.
For that I am forever grateful and blessed for my Season at Desert Rose.
