Happiness

As I drive home from a long day at work, I have nothing but time on my hands.  Time on my hands to reflect on my day, reflect on who I am and my influence on my children, my family and those around me.  I ask myself, over and over again, what are you doing with your life Michelle?  What purpose do you serve?  What makes you happy as a person?  About a month ago, the interesting but very sad part was, I had no idea.

About nine months ago I started going through a hard time.  I felt stuck.  I felt like my life was not moving forward.  I was living day by day and while I know I was working hard in my job, volunteering and participating in the everyday life duties as a wife and mother, I still felt stuck.  I kept myself busy by always being on the run.  I didn’t want to deal with Michelle.  I could deal with anyone and anything, as long as it was not Michelle. 

Over the last month even more drama infested my life.  I am not talking about the drama of family, children, or work, I am talking about the drama of not looking at myself and understanding who I was and what my purpose in life was.  I hit a point where I had to re-evaluate who I was.  I had to answer the questions I ask myself everyday on my way home from work.  It wasn’t until I switched jobs that I started to really smile.  I started to laugh.  I started to once again, figure out what I was going to wear to make people stop and take notice.  What look was I going to sport today?    I enjoyed being me and being with me.  I enjoyed showering my uniqueness and self-confidence to others around me. 

The moment of truth was on the way home from soccer practice with my girls, I pulled into the driveway and put the car in park and my youngest daughter Morgan said, “Mom, I am so glad you are so happy!”  Mouth open wide and in full shock I asked, “what are you talking about, I am always happy?”  My middle child, Tracie simply responded, “no Mom, you weren’t.”  WOW!  All this time, all these months I thought I was masking my feelings well and apparently, I was not.  Interesting enough, the same comment started coming from my colleagues.  Instead of that wow look, my response, “YES I AM HAPPY!”

What am I going to do with my life?  I am going to live it. I am going to smile and make people smile.  My smile is bright and full and I love showing others my happiness!  Happiness is contagious!!

What purpose do you serve?  I am here to inspire others to be the best that they can be.  By being involved with my children, my family and my community, I am showing that we all have a purpose in life.  We have to want to help others.  By helping others you are helping yourself grow as an individual.  You are leaving your stamp in history.  You do not have to set records, you simply have to make a difference in one person’s life.  No matter how little or big, it might change history for one person or for many!  You involve yourself because it is self-fulfilling, NOT because you want to get something out of it!

What makes you happy as a person?  My family.  Knowing that they realize that everything I do, I do for them.  Knowing that everything I have taught my children, they are actually applying it to everyday life.  What makes me happy is knowing I have helped motivate them to be better than I am.  What makes me happy is sharing my happiness.  I want to laugh freely and wear a smile in my eyes.

Everything happens for a reason.  It is not for us to question or understand.  All we need to do is embrace that event and the feelings that come from that moment of change and use it to help us move on as individuals!