THANK YOU!

Lights shining brightly.  They seem to be coming right at me.  There is no where to run, no where to run.  I can't move.  My legs feel like they are pinned, maybe nailed into the ground.  How can that be?  Why am I standing here waiting?  Waiting for the lights to come closer.  Why am I frozen in time?  Why don't I fight through this?  Why can't I fight through the fear?  Why can't I fight through the pain that is holding me down? 

Wait, I can.  Stop, breathe and release.  Breathe deep, breath hard, but not too hard that I loose myself.  Not too hard that I can't see what is coming at me, what is staring me down, right in front of me.  Release the demons within and take in all that life has to offer. 

Life is what you make it.  Life is as beautiful as the sun shining so brightly.  Life is as beautiful as the seed that blossoms into a flower.  Life is the grass that sprouts after a rainfall that takes in the tears of heaven.  Life is life.  If you are not willing to live it, it will live you. 

What does that mean?  It means if you allow the negativity to suck the life out of you it will.  It will eat you up inside.  It will take away the smiles, the joys and all that life has to offer.

I cried.  I laughed.  I took in my last few years and I re-evaluated who I was, what I was and who I wanted to be.  I reminded myself of my life dreams.  I remembered what I wanted to accomplish.  I remembered where I wanted to be and how I was going to make it happen.  I reminded myself that I was born to live.  I was born to live and learn.  I was going to make mistakes because mistakes would help me grow as a person.  Mistakes were going to make me a better person.  Mistakes did not make me, yet they helped mold me into the person I was, the person I am at this very moment and the person I would become because of my decision to accept the mistakes, accept the decisions, accept that I was human and if and only if I learned from them I would be a better person.    Mistakes did not define me.  My decisions did not define me.  What did define me as a person what the choices I made based on those decisions.  Whether they were the right ones or wrong ones.  There could be no regrets.  Only self acceptance of who I was.

I was the only one that could determine my happiness.  I needed to understand what made me happy.  If there were things or situations in life that did not make me happy, I needed to decide if I was going to allow them to define me, or, was I going to define to the world that no one had that much control.  I was in control of me.  I am in control of me.  I am in control of my happiness and I will be damned if I was going to have it any other way.

I am going to sit back, evaluate, smile at what was, smile at what is, and smile at what is to become of Michelle. 

I am going to lift my head.  I am going to smile.  I am going to show the world what they either have the pleasure of being a part of or wish they were a part of.  I am going to be the one to walk with my head high and feel that inner peace and say, THANK YOU!  Thank you for reminding myself that I am okay.  I love myself.  I am who I am. 

Accept me for who I am.  Love me for who I am.  If I don't fit into that dress that you think I should fit in, or wear that hair style that you think I should wear, TOO BAD.  I am me and I love me.  I am me and you are not going to define who I am, what I should be, how I should behave. 

BUT, I will let you know I am content and satisfied at the person I look at in the morning.  I make a concious effort to walk into my bathroom, straight to the mirror and tell the person I am looking at that I love them.  As I look into those eyes I see the man I lay my head with every night kiss me good-bye as he goes to word to support the family and tell me "I love you!"  I love you too baby!  Thank you for loving me!  Thank you for supporting me!  Thank you for loving me for all my inperfections!  Thank you for believing in me and holding me when I lay in the bed crying and I need the extra push to get up and be strong! 

While I am at it, thank you to all those that didn't think I would be where I am.  Thank you to all those that did not support me.  Thank you to all those that teased me and made me feel like I was nothing when I was younger.  Thank you to all those that made me who I was.  Your hate was my fuel for a better me.  You helped make me a better person. 

Stop, you are not that powerful!  You are simply my stepping stone to a better Michelle.  You are no where near the top of the food chain of those that inspired, loved and fought for me to be successful.  You were simply that, fuel.  Everyone needs fuel.  Let's compare it to food is the fuel for the body.  Everybody needs it.  It does not make you, it simply provides fuel to the body. 

The true nutrients to my survival are those that stood by me regardless of what I was, who I was and the decisions I made.  Good or bad.  The true nutrients were those that love me unconditionally.  Thank you, you allowed me to continue when I once gave up.  You were the catalyst I needed to reach that next level of success.  You were what I needed at that very moment and no words could ever express my gratitude and love.

Hold me, kiss me and remember I am here.  I am back.  I have let go.  Yes, I write about it, but I write about it to remind me of where I was in that moment.  I write to remind myself when I lose myself in the sadness, the tears and sorrow, where I was at that very moment, where I am today and where I want to be.  I will remember that, Oh shit, we are here, move on, you are better than that!"

I am growing.  I am evolving.  I am here right now.  Thank you!

Today's post is me releasing the thoughts and emotions in my head....It is what it is....

Intensity rising, heart pumping, adrenaline running throughout my body in full force.

My heart is pumping, sweat is dripping, out of control.

I am in full swing.

Full swing to get the ball rolling, 

Full swing to reach that next goal, 

Full swing to reach my greatest potential.

No one can tell me anything.

I know all of the answers,

I know what makes my heart pump stronger,

I know what takes me to the next level.

I think I know it all.

Yes, I know I know it all.

I know what I feel deep within my soul, deep within my bones.

I ache just wondering what awaits me.

I ache knowing I have not reached my full potential.

No one can tell me anything.  I am too far gone.

I am on another playing field.

Are you with me or are you against me?

Are you in support of my next conquest?

I want to reach that next level of success.

I want to feel the success throughout my body.

I am hyped.

I am overjoyed.

I am happy with where I am today.

I might feel differently tomorrow, but today,. I am hyped, I am overjoyed, I am happy with where I am today.

Each day I wake and remind myself, "it could be worse."

However, it is only as bad as you make it.

You are the only one that determines your happiness.  You cannot allow others to determine your happiness.  Your sadness only feeds off of the hatred from others that do not seek that next level of happiness.  Are you going to allow others to bring you down?  Or, are you going to feed off of the joy and happiness from those that want to live in happiness, in peace?

Today, you decide the life you want to live.

Today, you decide if your life is worth living.

Do not allow others to decide the path that you must take, because they cannot determine your happiness.

Only you, only you can make the decision to live life to the fullest.

Only you can walk the path of happiness.

Only you can decide what makes you happy and decide you are at peace with where you are, what you are and where you want to be in the future.

Your days are numbered. Do not allow your days on this earth to be decided on by those that are not on the same path of happiness and inner-peace.

Live each day as if it was your last.  Love, smile, laugh. 

Shine brightly and leave your mark. 

Your destiny is not decided upon.  Your destiny is one that you have chosen.  Choose the path you will follow and choose the footprints that you will leave on this earth as they will be cherished forever as you are a star in the night, shining so brightly for all to see.

Hyped, excited, overjoyed and at peace for what and who I am today.

All my sins forgiven, on the road to bigger and better things. 

Accepting of all my sins.  Accepting of my past and accepting of letting go of the past.

Damn, this is so much harder than everyone thinks.

Stop labeling.

Stop assuming.

Stop telling me I am strong.

Accept me for who I am.

Accept me for my sins.

Accept me for the person I am, as I am fighting everyday, every hour, every minute.

I am strong, I will be strong and I will continue to be strong.

Accept me for my failures.  Accept me for my successes.

If you are here for me, be here for me without judgement.

Love me for who I am and accept me for who I am.

All of my insecurities, all of my failures and flaws.

Love me for me and I will love back as much as I can, 100% of who I am with nothing else but love, life and laughter.

Accept and love.

That is all I have.

Nothing more,

Nothing less!

Treasure Yourself, Make Your Future an Imprint

The house is quiet,

Family is sleeping peacefully. 

Moon shining brightly, surrounded by the bright stars.

Even deep in space, the brightness of a new day awaits me. 

A new day to cherish all I have been blessed with.

I can’t sleep,

Mind is racing.

Racing with thoughts and memories that haunt me. 

Thoughts of how I have been hurt. 

Thoughts of how I have felt betrayed.

Thoughts of why and how I could allow myself to be taken advantage of.

Negative thoughts.

Attempting at every opportunity to overpower the positive energy within me.

I repeat to myself, “you are blessed, you have so many things to be grateful for!”

I raise my body from my bed and look back at my husband. 

As soon as I see his face, I smile and tell myself, “Yes, you are blessed!”

Slowly not to wake him from his dreams, I rise out of the bed and walk to my children’s room.

I look at each of them, one at a time and remind myself, “Yes, you are blessed!” 

I remind myself, there is no room for selfishness.

I must be well, I must be happy.  I must do this for myself so I can be strong for the family. 

If Mommy is not happy how do I expect to raise happy children and have a happy home? 

I tell myself to think about how I am present in each of my children.

How have I contributed to the success my children have had to this point? 

Though this should be enough, it isn’t.

I walk downstairs to look at family albums. 

Pictures have always allowed me to look back and appreciate where I am today and what I have endured in the past.

Page by page, album by album, tears of sadness, tears of joy, tears of appreciation for who I am today pour down my face. 

I count down from10 to 1,

I breathe long, deep and hard,

Tears replaced by silent internal happiness and laughter.

How do I get to this point time after time?

Easy,

I am human.

I feel, I hurt, I have a heart and though I sometimes put up a strong front, I have my moments where I have to step back and take care of me. 

I remind myself, if I don’t allow myself to feel what I am feeling inside, it will come out someway, somehow.

I am allowed to have emotions.

I am allowed to work through my emotions.

I am allowed to feel, I am allowed to cry.

I have the control. 

I do not have the control to change others and their actions, BUT,

I have the control to decide how I will deal with others and their actions.

I will not allow others to decide how and what makes me happy, yet I will search deep within to find out what it is I want for my life.

What do I want that will make me happy?

What do I need?

What do I want?

How do I go about getting to the place of inner-peace?

Who do I want to be allowed to be apart of that happiness?

Who is worthy of being a part of my happiness?

While I look at the memories in each of the albums, I gaze at the faces of those that have supported me no matter how low I got.  They are faces of those that fought harder for me than I fought for myself. 

They loved me more than I loved myself at times.

They fought for my survival, for my existence, stronger than I fought at times.

My eyes try hard to stay open. 

The thoughts in my head have calmed.  They are no longer racing.

I am at a place of happiness and acceptance at this very moment.

I remind myself that each time I feel the weight of the world bearing down on me to hard, I need to stop and breathe in what life has to offer.

I will be at this place again, but how will I deal with it the next time?

Reflect on the past.  

Do not let it hold you back.

Allow it to push you to the next step of inner-peace. 

Let the past stay in the past.

The past is a history lesson. 

The past is a lesson we learn from so we do not make the same mistakes. 

The past allows for us to have a future that we learn to appreciate and make it what we want.

Treasure your past history, we are who we are because of it!

Make your future an imprint for others to treasure!

Taking Care of the Child Within

There are times when I forget their is a young girl within.  I forget that young girl needs to be loved, comforted and reminded that she is strong, she is beautiful, she is loved and she is an influence to others.  


I have to remind myself that I am loved.  I simply have to allow myself to be loved by those who love me unconditionally.  I don't have to prove myself.  I only have to be myself.  I am, and always will be accepted for who I am.  I am allowed to make mistakes.  I am allowed to make decisions that sometimes are not the best.  It is because I am loved unconditionally.


I need to be comforted.  Yes, like a baby, like a young child, I need to be comforted.  I need to feel strong arms around me showing me I am protected and safe from harms way.  Those arms remind me that I am protected from the evils in the world.  Remember, harms way does not only mean physical harm.  It is the emotional harm that runs so deep within your soul, it hurts to the bone. I need someone that loves and understands me that can hold and comfort me as I fight those demons that have engulfed my every being.  That true comfort is only from those that can put up with all of the shit I am about to unleash because I have been bruised one too many times over.  I need to be comforted so, so bad.


I lay in my bed with my head buried underneath my covers.  The pillow, soaked from all of the tears.  No more tears flowing.  You would have thought I only stopped crying moments earlier.  Truth is, I stopped crying hours ago.  The tears were so strong.  The tears ran down my cheeks like the falls at Niagra and they rested on my pillow waiting for the next bout of emotion to take hold.  The voices in my head, how they hurt.  I didn’t want to hear it, because no words could make me feel better.  But I could not hold onto the feelings any longer.  I could not bury the anger any longer. 


I allowed my body to feel the arms around me.  I told myself it was okay to feel.  It was okay to hurt.  It was okay to feel the love that was holding me tight.  I was allowed to hear the words of those that truly loved me.  I was allowed to feel the arms of those that truly loved me. I needed to be strong.  I needed to accept my short comings.  I was NOT a failure.  I had accomplished so much and it would be a disservice to myself to think that I had failed.  I definitely was not a failure.  I had moved my own mountains and rivers and I needed to take ownership of that accomplishment.  Why would anyone else give me credit if I wasn’t going to embrace my own successes?  I needed to realize every lesson was a life lesson.  I was a stronger person because of all of my set-backs. Without those set-backs, mistakes and sometimes bad decisions, I would not be the person I had become.  Yes, it was okay to toot my own horn.  No, not in a conceited manner at all.  Simply taking pride in what I had accomplished!  Head held high with a smile shining so brightly.


I had to be strong.  Despite my circumstances, I was successful.  Maybe not the success I wanted to have at that very moment, but definitely successful in my own right.  Anyone that tried to take that from me was the devil for sure and they definitely did not need to be embraced with what I had to offer.  


I took a deep breath.  A breath that seemed to take in every last air within the room, held it deep inside and when I accepted what was, I exhaled.  It was so powerful, I could feel the entire house shake.  It wasn’t a violent shake, it was a shake of peacefulness.  I was at peace.  I could breath and smell the fresh air.  


The young girl within remembered;

“I am loved!”

“I am strong!”

“I am beautiful!”

“I am an influence to others and I have something to offer!”

The adult me reminded myself that everything happens for a reason.  It is sometimes not for me to understand, but for me to accept it is what is.  Better things are to come and all of my hard work is not forgotten.  I am surrounded by people that love me unconditionally, continue to help me reach that next level of success, do not hesitate being real with me and demand that I give my 100%, nothing more, nothing less, just 100%.  


Sometimes we have to lose something to see what has been right in front of you that entire time!  Don’t let it be too late for you!

Did you ever?

Did you ever wake up from what you thought was a bad dream and thank God it was not true?

Did you ever open your eyes from an event that happened in your life and thank God it was not true?

There are many days when we wake up from a dream or stop day dreaming and we realize in that moment it was true, it was not a dream.  It was something that happened, something that was real and we did not have the power to turn back time. There are many days when we realize that something did happen and we have to move on.  Not forget, simply move on.  

We have to move on to the next step.  We have to continue on the road that has been paved for us because of our own actions, because of the actions of others.  We have to move onto the next step, no matter how questionable it is, no matter how painful it is, we must move on!

This is not to say we cannot mourn the possible losses we might have suffered.  Whether these losses were lost of life, lost of love of lost of a part of ones self.  We simply have to continue on our journey for the pursuit of happiness.  The pursuit of the next big thing in our lives.  We must continue to take in all life has to offer and accept it is is what we make it.

We must learn the tools to guide us in the direction of happiness.  The direction of self-fulfillment.  What makes us human?  It is the power to feel, to love, to make conscious decisions that will enable us to fulfill our own destiny.   We must not accept what life has been handed to us. We must make our lives the best thing that ever happened. 

We have been given the gift to understand the world and what it has to offer. We have been given the gift to learn from our mistakes and make the next step the best one one for us.  Not to please others.  Not to make others happy.  Only to make the next steps we take the best for us as a person.

How will you live your life so that you are happy with who you are, what you have become and where you want to be?  Live your life everyday as if it is your last.  But most importantly, live your life with ambition and gratitude for what it has given you.  Understand you are where you are right now in this very moment because it is where you are supposed to be.  

Stop asking the why, what if, should of questions. Instead, ask what can I do to make it better the next time, next step better?  What can I do to bring me to the next level of success and self-fulfillment?  Ask yourself, "what will make me happy?"  "What will bring tears of joy to me?"  "What will make me feel complete?"

Remind yourself that you are the only one that can make you happy.  You must love yourself and feel complete as a person first before you can expect others to give a care.  Remember, you must demand respect.  This cannot be done if you don't respect who you are as a person and accept that you yourself has imperfections and it is okay.  

Go ahead and wake up from that bad dream or the event you have just been involved in and THANK GOD for allowing you this opportunity for self growth!  

YOU ARE WHERE YOU ARE IN THIS VERY MOMENT BECAUSE IT IS WHERE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE!  WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT NOW!

Reflection Of Who I Am

Reflection of who I am as I stare into my mirror.

Reflecting on the person I am looking at in my mirror.

Reflecting on all I have gone through, good and bad.

Reflecting on the choices I have made over the years.

As I look into the mirror, I step back and ask myself,

“Why are you trying to figure out why you are the person you are today?”

“Have you not accepted the person you are?”

“Have you not yet realized you are the person you are supposed to be?”

I remind myself while looking into my own eyes and say,

“You are the person that you are because of everything you have gone through!”

“You are right where you should be, good or bad, you are right where you should be at this very moment in time!”

“Do not allow others to judge you!”

“Do not allow others to determine your happiness!”

“Embrace the life you live and enjoy every day of it, every hour of it, every minute of it, every second!”

“You are here for a reason!”

“You have a purpose and you need to find out for yourself what it is!”

Funny how I remind my children of this all the time, but fail to follow my own advice.  I step back away from the mirror so I can see Michelle.  I want to see every inch of this woman that wakes up every day searching for her purpose in life.  I take a deep breath, and tell myself to smile. 

I tell myself,

“You have to love yourself before anyone else can!”

“You have to believe in yourself before anyone else can!”

“You have to determine your own self-worth!  NO ONE can or should decide this for you!”

“Once you do this, you will be able to enjoy life and everything it has to offer.  You are able to reap the benefits of being a mother, being a wife, being Michelle!”

“Love yourself and who you are at this very moment because this is when everything falls into place.”

I write these blogs to remind myself that everything happens for a reason and I have to allow myself to make mistakes, make decisions that sometimes are not the best and sometimes are, laugh and cry.  I write for myself.  It is me reflecting on who I am and who I want to be as a person.  I have to remind myself that I have to live each day as if it could be the last.  I must have no regrets because I am who I am and where I should be at this very moment.  I don’t need to like where I am at this very moment, but I need to accept it!  It is okay to reflect on your past experiences, but do not allow it to hinder your growth, allow it to take you to the next level of your own self-determined success.

Reflecting has allowed me to grow and I am so thankful!  I am able to see what is really important to me, what should be important and I will continue to remember this as I close my eyes for the night and again when I open my eyes in the morning.

Reflecting brings me inner peace, self-acceptance and an appreciation of the life I have lived and continue to live each day.  Reflecting allows me to continue on the path of happiness.  The path of happiness is a journey that I will continue to embrace.  Reflecting to give me that positive energy and the fight to continue in a direction that allows me to define my own happiness!

I Need to Scream! I Need to Cry Hard! I Need a Release!

Heart pounding!

Head pounding!

The pressure building up in my eyes is unbearable because there is nothing else I want but to let the tears roll down from my eyelids, to my cheeks, down my neck.  I need to feel the tears.  I need to release the frustration that is so deep within me it brings constant pain throughout my body.

I need to scream!  I need to scream so hard that my voice can be heard from every corner of the building.  I need my scream to be felt by others.  I need my scream to sound exactly how I feel.

I need to cry hard!  My cry needs to rupture from deep within my body, my soul.  I am talking about deep sobbing.  I am talking about the crying and sobbing that makes your body shake.  The crying and sobbing that makes you lose your breath and begin hyperventilating. 

I need a release!   I need a moment to sit back and take in all of my emotions.  I need to check my emotions and think about what is really bothering me.  I need to understand what I want out of life.  I need to figure out what makes ME happy. 

As I sit there looking at this Man that loves me so, I feel the warmth fill throughout my body.  Can you imagine no physical contact, only simple conversation needed to feel this way?  I knew the moment I sent that text that said I wanted to meet for lunch; he would understand exactly what I needed at that very moment! 

The moment he appeared at the doorway I no longer needed to scream!  I no longer needed to cry!  I know longer needed a release!  I simply needed to be reminded that I was just fine.  I had everything I needed, my family.  I am surrounded by those that love me for me, respect me, understand me, demand that I always put forth my best, but most importantly, encourage me and support me, NO MATTER WHAT!  Looking into his eyes, he reminded me that I was exactly who I was supposed to be.  Nothing more, nothing less! 

Every moment we grow on a personal level.  For me, I have not reached my “aha” moment.  NOT EVEN CLOSE!  Most of my frustrations are from always wanting more, always wanting to be better and reach that next level of success.  Not for anyone else, but for myself.  However, I must always remind myself:

• I must first accept myself for who I am before I expect anyone else to. 
• I am the only one that can determine my happiness.
• Prioritize and understand, FAMILY FIRST!  NO ONE is going to worry about what  you need to do for your family and with your family.  They are only thinking about what you can do for them.  FAMILY FIRST!
• Take care of Michelle!  If I cannot take care of myself, how do I expect to be there to take care of my family (my 12 year old reminded me of this when I wasn’t feeling well)?
• Sometimes change has to be forced.  Embrace it!  Own it!  Change does not have to be negative!
• Love hard because love is real and love is powerful and my home is full of love!

LOVE YOURSELF!  RESPECT YOURSELF AND DEMAND IT FROM THOSE YOU CHOOSE TO KEEP IN YOUR COMPANY (PERSONAL OR PROFESSIONAL). Until you do this, you bring nothing to the table.  You will not gain the respect of anyone unless you give it and demand it in return.

I DO NOT NEED TO SCREAM!

I NEED TO LAUGH!  Sometimes the sound of laughter is all that is needed when you reach the level of frustration. 

I DO NOT NEED TO CRY HARD!

I NEED TO SMILE!  When I smile, there always seem to be a sense of suspense.  “Why are you always smiling?”  “No reason other than I am blessed, confident in who I am, what I want and where I want to go!”  Sometimes the tears might need to come out, but I will be the one who determines when and where that needs to happen!

I need a release!

YES I DO NEED A RELEASEI Everyone needs time they can let go all of the negativity that sometimes invades our body and souls.  I need to simply find creative ways to release the demons that sometimes try to overpower my mind. 

SMILE ON MY FACE!

EYES BRIGHT & CHEERY!

HEART FLUTTERING BECAUSE OF HAPPINESS AND SELF-ACCEPTANCE!

He Is My Man!!!

One week before Thanksgiving, Spencer Garrett sent me a page.  I called back and said yes to having a "date."  Thanksgiving Day, my mother, Gail comes out of no where with a broom and threatens him that he better take care of me....with my Aunt Annie and Aunt Raetta, they threaten him and tell him that he better treat me good. 


I go to his car, he opens the door for me like a gentleman and in return I lean over and unlock his door (Bronx Tale).  This is  a moment of truth for My Man.


On January 18th I give birth to a son who is his father's twin.  I had made up my mind...I did not want to marry just because it was the "right thing to do,"  I wanted to marry when I knew in my heart he loved me for me and nothing else.  On January 18,1997 we both blurt out, "let's get married."  I knew it was real!


On April 18, 1997, I married my Knight and Shining Armor!  The man that protected me and would do anything and everything for me!  I married the man that proved he loved me for me, loved me for the person I was and NOT for the person others wanted me to be.  I married Spencer Garrett.  He has sacrificed and done nothing but love ME.  He has completed my circle of success, my circle of endless love of self.  He has helped me grow as a wife, a mother, as a person.


I am so lucky to have found love.  I am so lucky my children have a father that is strong, confident and loves me and them for who they are and for who I am.  I am lucky I have found someone to help complete me and will stick by me no matter how many times I may fall.  He is the one that demands I get up and fight the demons that sometimes haunt me.  He is the one I cry to, laugh with and go to to when I need to just feel loved.  He is the one and I AM SO BLESSED!  I love you.  This is the first 15 years, but despite not wanting to get old, you are stuck with me for the rest of our time on Earth!  Not because we have to be, but because we want to be!  I love you for giving me a reason to go on when I thought I did not want to!  I love you for fighting for me, when I had no more fight in me!  I love you for loving me with all my imperfections!  I love you for being my Knight and Shining!  I love you for being a true man that understands priorities and knows your family is your priority!


Thank you for sharing your life with me and being there as a husband and father!  I LOVE YOU BIG PAPA, CHOCOLATE THUNDER!  I LOVE YOU SPENCER R. GARRETT!!

LOVE LOST? LOVE FORGOTTEN?

How is it that I cannot have that deep passionate love lost for someone that is a part of me?  How is it that I can have love forgotten for someone that is a part of me?  Am I a cold, bitter and angry person? 

No, I am not cold.  While I do hold the taste of bitterness deep within my soul, I have decided the pain of love lost is bittersweet.  I have no choice but to release the anger.  I cannot hold the anger inside of me because it will only hurt me.  It will poison me.  It will only hold me back from experiencing true happiness.  The life I was dealt has helped me become the person I am today.  Despite all of the roadblocks I have come across, I am living a life full of love and happiness.  All of the bitterness and anger I had in me has allowed me to become a stronger person.  No, I am not cold! 

I have experienced true heartbreak, but I have learned to endure all that has come at me full force and used the love lost and forgotten as life lessons.  I can do this because I felt my first heartbreak from someone that is a part of me.  Through this lost, I have found love and know, the love for me is not forgotten.  The love is felt from those that witness it.  There is no mistaking the love that I am receiving because it glows so brightly all over my being.  So no, I am not cold.  I am human.  I have feelings.  I am not cold!

My first heartbreak has allowed me to set expectations for what I want, for what I need!

I WANT UNCONDITIONAL LOVE from those whom I surround myself with. 

I WANT TO KNOW I AM LOVED.  I WANT to hear “I love you! “ I WANT to hear “I am proud of you!” 

I WANT TO SHARE MY HAPPINESS with those that WANT to celebrate life with me.

 I WANT TO FEEL.  I WANT to share those feelings with those that WANT to be a part of my life.  I WANT to laugh and cry openly without worry of judgment.

I NEED! 

I NEED UNCONDITIONAL LOVE! 

I NEED TO BE LOVED! 

I NEED TO HEAR “I LOVE YOU!” 

I NEED TO HEAR “I AM PROUD OF YOU!”

I NEED TO FEEL!

My first heartbreak has allowed me to know love is not forgotten!  I cannot want and need love without loving back!

LOVE IS NOT FORGOTTEN!  The one that forgot to love me has allowed me to love freely and abundantly. 

LOVE IS NEVER FORGOTTEN!

LOVE IS DEEP!

LOVE IS FOREVER! 
 

LOVE IS NOT LOST OR FORGOTTEN! 

I HAVE FOUND LOVE FROM THOSE I SURROUND MYSELF WITH!   

I HOLD ONTO THE LOVE I HAVE NEAR AND DEAR TO MY HEART EVERYDAY, EVERY MOMENT!

I HAVE FOUND LOVE AND I AM LOVED!

LOVE IS NOT LOST OR FORGOTTEN!