I have to remind myself that I am loved. I simply have to allow myself to be loved by those who love me unconditionally. I don't have to prove myself. I only have to be myself. I am, and always will be accepted for who I am. I am allowed to make mistakes. I am allowed to make decisions that sometimes are not the best. It is because I am loved unconditionally.
I need to be comforted. Yes, like a baby, like a young child, I need to be comforted. I need to feel strong arms around me showing me I am protected and safe from harms way. Those arms remind me that I am protected from the evils in the world. Remember, harms way does not only mean physical harm. It is the emotional harm that runs so deep within your soul, it hurts to the bone. I need someone that loves and understands me that can hold and comfort me as I fight those demons that have engulfed my every being. That true comfort is only from those that can put up with all of the shit I am about to unleash because I have been bruised one too many times over. I need to be comforted so, so bad.
I lay in my bed with my head buried underneath my covers. The pillow, soaked from all of the tears. No more tears flowing. You would have thought I only stopped crying moments earlier. Truth is, I stopped crying hours ago. The tears were so strong. The tears ran down my cheeks like the falls at Niagra and they rested on my pillow waiting for the next bout of emotion to take hold. The voices in my head, how they hurt. I didn’t want to hear it, because no words could make me feel better. But I could not hold onto the feelings any longer. I could not bury the anger any longer.
I allowed my body to feel the arms around me. I told myself it was okay to feel. It was okay to hurt. It was okay to feel the love that was holding me tight. I was allowed to hear the words of those that truly loved me. I was allowed to feel the arms of those that truly loved me. I needed to be strong. I needed to accept my short comings. I was NOT a failure. I had accomplished so much and it would be a disservice to myself to think that I had failed. I definitely was not a failure. I had moved my own mountains and rivers and I needed to take ownership of that accomplishment. Why would anyone else give me credit if I wasn’t going to embrace my own successes? I needed to realize every lesson was a life lesson. I was a stronger person because of all of my set-backs. Without those set-backs, mistakes and sometimes bad decisions, I would not be the person I had become. Yes, it was okay to toot my own horn. No, not in a conceited manner at all. Simply taking pride in what I had accomplished! Head held high with a smile shining so brightly.
I had to be strong. Despite my circumstances, I was successful. Maybe not the success I wanted to have at that very moment, but definitely successful in my own right. Anyone that tried to take that from me was the devil for sure and they definitely did not need to be embraced with what I had to offer.
I took a deep breath. A breath that seemed to take in every last air within the room, held it deep inside and when I accepted what was, I exhaled. It was so powerful, I could feel the entire house shake. It wasn’t a violent shake, it was a shake of peacefulness. I was at peace. I could breath and smell the fresh air.
The young girl within remembered;
“I am loved!”
“I am strong!”
“I am beautiful!”
“I am an influence to others and I have something to offer!”
The adult me reminded myself that everything happens for a reason. It is sometimes not for me to understand, but for me to accept it is what is. Better things are to come and all of my hard work is not forgotten. I am surrounded by people that love me unconditionally, continue to help me reach that next level of success, do not hesitate being real with me and demand that I give my 100%, nothing more, nothing less, just 100%.
Sometimes we have to lose something to see what has been right in front of you that entire time! Don’t let it be too late for you!
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