Today's post is me releasing the thoughts and emotions in my head....It is what it is....

Intensity rising, heart pumping, adrenaline running throughout my body in full force.

My heart is pumping, sweat is dripping, out of control.

I am in full swing.

Full swing to get the ball rolling, 

Full swing to reach that next goal, 

Full swing to reach my greatest potential.

No one can tell me anything.

I know all of the answers,

I know what makes my heart pump stronger,

I know what takes me to the next level.

I think I know it all.

Yes, I know I know it all.

I know what I feel deep within my soul, deep within my bones.

I ache just wondering what awaits me.

I ache knowing I have not reached my full potential.

No one can tell me anything.  I am too far gone.

I am on another playing field.

Are you with me or are you against me?

Are you in support of my next conquest?

I want to reach that next level of success.

I want to feel the success throughout my body.

I am hyped.

I am overjoyed.

I am happy with where I am today.

I might feel differently tomorrow, but today,. I am hyped, I am overjoyed, I am happy with where I am today.

Each day I wake and remind myself, "it could be worse."

However, it is only as bad as you make it.

You are the only one that determines your happiness.  You cannot allow others to determine your happiness.  Your sadness only feeds off of the hatred from others that do not seek that next level of happiness.  Are you going to allow others to bring you down?  Or, are you going to feed off of the joy and happiness from those that want to live in happiness, in peace?

Today, you decide the life you want to live.

Today, you decide if your life is worth living.

Do not allow others to decide the path that you must take, because they cannot determine your happiness.

Only you, only you can make the decision to live life to the fullest.

Only you can walk the path of happiness.

Only you can decide what makes you happy and decide you are at peace with where you are, what you are and where you want to be in the future.

Your days are numbered. Do not allow your days on this earth to be decided on by those that are not on the same path of happiness and inner-peace.

Live each day as if it was your last.  Love, smile, laugh. 

Shine brightly and leave your mark. 

Your destiny is not decided upon.  Your destiny is one that you have chosen.  Choose the path you will follow and choose the footprints that you will leave on this earth as they will be cherished forever as you are a star in the night, shining so brightly for all to see.

Hyped, excited, overjoyed and at peace for what and who I am today.

All my sins forgiven, on the road to bigger and better things. 

Accepting of all my sins.  Accepting of my past and accepting of letting go of the past.

Damn, this is so much harder than everyone thinks.

Stop labeling.

Stop assuming.

Stop telling me I am strong.

Accept me for who I am.

Accept me for my sins.

Accept me for the person I am, as I am fighting everyday, every hour, every minute.

I am strong, I will be strong and I will continue to be strong.

Accept me for my failures.  Accept me for my successes.

If you are here for me, be here for me without judgement.

Love me for who I am and accept me for who I am.

All of my insecurities, all of my failures and flaws.

Love me for me and I will love back as much as I can, 100% of who I am with nothing else but love, life and laughter.

Accept and love.

That is all I have.

Nothing more,

Nothing less!

Treasure Yourself, Make Your Future an Imprint

The house is quiet,

Family is sleeping peacefully. 

Moon shining brightly, surrounded by the bright stars.

Even deep in space, the brightness of a new day awaits me. 

A new day to cherish all I have been blessed with.

I can’t sleep,

Mind is racing.

Racing with thoughts and memories that haunt me. 

Thoughts of how I have been hurt. 

Thoughts of how I have felt betrayed.

Thoughts of why and how I could allow myself to be taken advantage of.

Negative thoughts.

Attempting at every opportunity to overpower the positive energy within me.

I repeat to myself, “you are blessed, you have so many things to be grateful for!”

I raise my body from my bed and look back at my husband. 

As soon as I see his face, I smile and tell myself, “Yes, you are blessed!”

Slowly not to wake him from his dreams, I rise out of the bed and walk to my children’s room.

I look at each of them, one at a time and remind myself, “Yes, you are blessed!” 

I remind myself, there is no room for selfishness.

I must be well, I must be happy.  I must do this for myself so I can be strong for the family. 

If Mommy is not happy how do I expect to raise happy children and have a happy home? 

I tell myself to think about how I am present in each of my children.

How have I contributed to the success my children have had to this point? 

Though this should be enough, it isn’t.

I walk downstairs to look at family albums. 

Pictures have always allowed me to look back and appreciate where I am today and what I have endured in the past.

Page by page, album by album, tears of sadness, tears of joy, tears of appreciation for who I am today pour down my face. 

I count down from10 to 1,

I breathe long, deep and hard,

Tears replaced by silent internal happiness and laughter.

How do I get to this point time after time?

Easy,

I am human.

I feel, I hurt, I have a heart and though I sometimes put up a strong front, I have my moments where I have to step back and take care of me. 

I remind myself, if I don’t allow myself to feel what I am feeling inside, it will come out someway, somehow.

I am allowed to have emotions.

I am allowed to work through my emotions.

I am allowed to feel, I am allowed to cry.

I have the control. 

I do not have the control to change others and their actions, BUT,

I have the control to decide how I will deal with others and their actions.

I will not allow others to decide how and what makes me happy, yet I will search deep within to find out what it is I want for my life.

What do I want that will make me happy?

What do I need?

What do I want?

How do I go about getting to the place of inner-peace?

Who do I want to be allowed to be apart of that happiness?

Who is worthy of being a part of my happiness?

While I look at the memories in each of the albums, I gaze at the faces of those that have supported me no matter how low I got.  They are faces of those that fought harder for me than I fought for myself. 

They loved me more than I loved myself at times.

They fought for my survival, for my existence, stronger than I fought at times.

My eyes try hard to stay open. 

The thoughts in my head have calmed.  They are no longer racing.

I am at a place of happiness and acceptance at this very moment.

I remind myself that each time I feel the weight of the world bearing down on me to hard, I need to stop and breathe in what life has to offer.

I will be at this place again, but how will I deal with it the next time?

Reflect on the past.  

Do not let it hold you back.

Allow it to push you to the next step of inner-peace. 

Let the past stay in the past.

The past is a history lesson. 

The past is a lesson we learn from so we do not make the same mistakes. 

The past allows for us to have a future that we learn to appreciate and make it what we want.

Treasure your past history, we are who we are because of it!

Make your future an imprint for others to treasure!

Taking Care of the Child Within

There are times when I forget their is a young girl within.  I forget that young girl needs to be loved, comforted and reminded that she is strong, she is beautiful, she is loved and she is an influence to others.  


I have to remind myself that I am loved.  I simply have to allow myself to be loved by those who love me unconditionally.  I don't have to prove myself.  I only have to be myself.  I am, and always will be accepted for who I am.  I am allowed to make mistakes.  I am allowed to make decisions that sometimes are not the best.  It is because I am loved unconditionally.


I need to be comforted.  Yes, like a baby, like a young child, I need to be comforted.  I need to feel strong arms around me showing me I am protected and safe from harms way.  Those arms remind me that I am protected from the evils in the world.  Remember, harms way does not only mean physical harm.  It is the emotional harm that runs so deep within your soul, it hurts to the bone. I need someone that loves and understands me that can hold and comfort me as I fight those demons that have engulfed my every being.  That true comfort is only from those that can put up with all of the shit I am about to unleash because I have been bruised one too many times over.  I need to be comforted so, so bad.


I lay in my bed with my head buried underneath my covers.  The pillow, soaked from all of the tears.  No more tears flowing.  You would have thought I only stopped crying moments earlier.  Truth is, I stopped crying hours ago.  The tears were so strong.  The tears ran down my cheeks like the falls at Niagra and they rested on my pillow waiting for the next bout of emotion to take hold.  The voices in my head, how they hurt.  I didn’t want to hear it, because no words could make me feel better.  But I could not hold onto the feelings any longer.  I could not bury the anger any longer. 


I allowed my body to feel the arms around me.  I told myself it was okay to feel.  It was okay to hurt.  It was okay to feel the love that was holding me tight.  I was allowed to hear the words of those that truly loved me.  I was allowed to feel the arms of those that truly loved me. I needed to be strong.  I needed to accept my short comings.  I was NOT a failure.  I had accomplished so much and it would be a disservice to myself to think that I had failed.  I definitely was not a failure.  I had moved my own mountains and rivers and I needed to take ownership of that accomplishment.  Why would anyone else give me credit if I wasn’t going to embrace my own successes?  I needed to realize every lesson was a life lesson.  I was a stronger person because of all of my set-backs. Without those set-backs, mistakes and sometimes bad decisions, I would not be the person I had become.  Yes, it was okay to toot my own horn.  No, not in a conceited manner at all.  Simply taking pride in what I had accomplished!  Head held high with a smile shining so brightly.


I had to be strong.  Despite my circumstances, I was successful.  Maybe not the success I wanted to have at that very moment, but definitely successful in my own right.  Anyone that tried to take that from me was the devil for sure and they definitely did not need to be embraced with what I had to offer.  


I took a deep breath.  A breath that seemed to take in every last air within the room, held it deep inside and when I accepted what was, I exhaled.  It was so powerful, I could feel the entire house shake.  It wasn’t a violent shake, it was a shake of peacefulness.  I was at peace.  I could breath and smell the fresh air.  


The young girl within remembered;

“I am loved!”

“I am strong!”

“I am beautiful!”

“I am an influence to others and I have something to offer!”

The adult me reminded myself that everything happens for a reason.  It is sometimes not for me to understand, but for me to accept it is what is.  Better things are to come and all of my hard work is not forgotten.  I am surrounded by people that love me unconditionally, continue to help me reach that next level of success, do not hesitate being real with me and demand that I give my 100%, nothing more, nothing less, just 100%.  


Sometimes we have to lose something to see what has been right in front of you that entire time!  Don’t let it be too late for you!

Did you ever?

Did you ever wake up from what you thought was a bad dream and thank God it was not true?

Did you ever open your eyes from an event that happened in your life and thank God it was not true?

There are many days when we wake up from a dream or stop day dreaming and we realize in that moment it was true, it was not a dream.  It was something that happened, something that was real and we did not have the power to turn back time. There are many days when we realize that something did happen and we have to move on.  Not forget, simply move on.  

We have to move on to the next step.  We have to continue on the road that has been paved for us because of our own actions, because of the actions of others.  We have to move onto the next step, no matter how questionable it is, no matter how painful it is, we must move on!

This is not to say we cannot mourn the possible losses we might have suffered.  Whether these losses were lost of life, lost of love of lost of a part of ones self.  We simply have to continue on our journey for the pursuit of happiness.  The pursuit of the next big thing in our lives.  We must continue to take in all life has to offer and accept it is is what we make it.

We must learn the tools to guide us in the direction of happiness.  The direction of self-fulfillment.  What makes us human?  It is the power to feel, to love, to make conscious decisions that will enable us to fulfill our own destiny.   We must not accept what life has been handed to us. We must make our lives the best thing that ever happened. 

We have been given the gift to understand the world and what it has to offer. We have been given the gift to learn from our mistakes and make the next step the best one one for us.  Not to please others.  Not to make others happy.  Only to make the next steps we take the best for us as a person.

How will you live your life so that you are happy with who you are, what you have become and where you want to be?  Live your life everyday as if it is your last.  But most importantly, live your life with ambition and gratitude for what it has given you.  Understand you are where you are right now in this very moment because it is where you are supposed to be.  

Stop asking the why, what if, should of questions. Instead, ask what can I do to make it better the next time, next step better?  What can I do to bring me to the next level of success and self-fulfillment?  Ask yourself, "what will make me happy?"  "What will bring tears of joy to me?"  "What will make me feel complete?"

Remind yourself that you are the only one that can make you happy.  You must love yourself and feel complete as a person first before you can expect others to give a care.  Remember, you must demand respect.  This cannot be done if you don't respect who you are as a person and accept that you yourself has imperfections and it is okay.  

Go ahead and wake up from that bad dream or the event you have just been involved in and THANK GOD for allowing you this opportunity for self growth!  

YOU ARE WHERE YOU ARE IN THIS VERY MOMENT BECAUSE IT IS WHERE YOU ARE SUPPOSED TO BE!  WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT NOW!

Reflection Of Who I Am

Reflection of who I am as I stare into my mirror.

Reflecting on the person I am looking at in my mirror.

Reflecting on all I have gone through, good and bad.

Reflecting on the choices I have made over the years.

As I look into the mirror, I step back and ask myself,

“Why are you trying to figure out why you are the person you are today?”

“Have you not accepted the person you are?”

“Have you not yet realized you are the person you are supposed to be?”

I remind myself while looking into my own eyes and say,

“You are the person that you are because of everything you have gone through!”

“You are right where you should be, good or bad, you are right where you should be at this very moment in time!”

“Do not allow others to judge you!”

“Do not allow others to determine your happiness!”

“Embrace the life you live and enjoy every day of it, every hour of it, every minute of it, every second!”

“You are here for a reason!”

“You have a purpose and you need to find out for yourself what it is!”

Funny how I remind my children of this all the time, but fail to follow my own advice.  I step back away from the mirror so I can see Michelle.  I want to see every inch of this woman that wakes up every day searching for her purpose in life.  I take a deep breath, and tell myself to smile. 

I tell myself,

“You have to love yourself before anyone else can!”

“You have to believe in yourself before anyone else can!”

“You have to determine your own self-worth!  NO ONE can or should decide this for you!”

“Once you do this, you will be able to enjoy life and everything it has to offer.  You are able to reap the benefits of being a mother, being a wife, being Michelle!”

“Love yourself and who you are at this very moment because this is when everything falls into place.”

I write these blogs to remind myself that everything happens for a reason and I have to allow myself to make mistakes, make decisions that sometimes are not the best and sometimes are, laugh and cry.  I write for myself.  It is me reflecting on who I am and who I want to be as a person.  I have to remind myself that I have to live each day as if it could be the last.  I must have no regrets because I am who I am and where I should be at this very moment.  I don’t need to like where I am at this very moment, but I need to accept it!  It is okay to reflect on your past experiences, but do not allow it to hinder your growth, allow it to take you to the next level of your own self-determined success.

Reflecting has allowed me to grow and I am so thankful!  I am able to see what is really important to me, what should be important and I will continue to remember this as I close my eyes for the night and again when I open my eyes in the morning.

Reflecting brings me inner peace, self-acceptance and an appreciation of the life I have lived and continue to live each day.  Reflecting allows me to continue on the path of happiness.  The path of happiness is a journey that I will continue to embrace.  Reflecting to give me that positive energy and the fight to continue in a direction that allows me to define my own happiness!