The Shell

They not know who I am because they pass judgement. 

They have already decided who I should be or what and how I should be.

Did I cause this?

Not sure.

Did I portray to be something I was not, only to protect who I really was?

Not sure.

What I do know for sure…no one really knows. 

I put on a facade, ready to protect anything I did not want others to know about me.

That, I believed was the best for me and mine.

But instead, it made people whisper behind my back and make assumptions they have no idea they should not be making.

I am human. 

I am a person within a shell that is so afraid to release itself from its shelter, no one knows what to believe anymore. 

I am a shell of a person that has lost who they are because for so long I have been pretending to be something I was not.

Pretending to be happy.

Pretending to be okay.

Pretending that what was safe in the dark, was safe from seeing the light of day.

Yet, something else was meant to be.

Something else was meant to be for me.

I was not exempt from the pain of my past.

I was not exempt from being who I was and not being allowed to hide from it.

I was not exempt from hiding and running from the demon that would not let me loose from his grips, from his control.

Who was I?

A lost person within a shell of a body, searching for something to hold on to. 

Something to feel. 

Something to believe in.

When given no choice but survival,

When given no choice but something bigger than me was going to fight me to survival…

The shell accepted and opened its due and waited for saving.

Oh, what is in store for that shell.

I can’t wait to see, for someone had a bigger plan for the shell that had no more hope and not more fight.

I hold on tight to my knight and shining armour, my husband and the children we brought to life together.

I know their love will help me conquer all.

I know their love will help vault the life inside of me to keep fighting and to believe I can do it even when the road blocks want to keep me from surviving through it all.

I refuse to be a victim, only being a survivor will be allowed to take over my body, my mind, my soul.

This shell has a survivor who is ready to fight for inner peace and happiness.

I deserve that, so it is the only thing that will be.