Life Before/Life Now & In the Future

11/01/2015 (Sunday) @ 11:15 AM

Life as I knew it and understood it is different today then it was before I was determined to work through my "stuff" and seek the help I needed.

With the trauma I experienced, the negative parts of my daily life consisted of:

- flashbacks, being a afraid, feeling trapped in a state of horror, not feeling safe, depressed, sleep full of nightmares, secrets, misunderstood dissociate episodes, and lack of a voice needed to express my needs.

I truly felt that no one was helping, really cared, or understood me.

Even with all those feelings going on with me, my family was always my focused.  My children and husband were my support, my passion, and what I used to help me continue moving forward as best as I could.

I was volunteered, was PTSO President, organizer, care taker of others, but not myself.  I absolutely LOVED being soccer mom, active as team manager for the soccer and basketball teams, active in my children schools and very much in my education.

So, what is my life, how is the life I want it to be in recovery?  I want my life to be about:

1. Myself
2. Sobriety
3. Family

I want to make sure I am learning to love my self once again and taking care of myself first.

I want to make sure I attend self-help meetings and find remain with my sponsor who will continue to support me and keep me accountable when I fail to do so for myself.

I want to have family time, date nights, college prep time, be a team mom again and have meaning family bonding time.

I want to once have education goals, find self-love, self-forgiveness, and self-acceptance.  I want to really delve into my writing and write a book, many books.  I want to meditate, daily.  I want to get into education, therapy, mindfulness, self-soothing, and grounding activities.

There is so much I can do, so much I am learning to do, so much I am willing to do that can keep me preoccupied and healthy.