A Restless Mind

11/09/2015 (Monday) @ 3:37 PM

I spoke with my counselor about what I thought was going on in my head this afternoon.  At least I tried to.  The thoughts in my head are unbearable to deal with.  Intellectually I realize my thinking is all screwed up and that there is a lot of self-blame going on, but I truly don't understand how I cannot take responsibility for allowing what happened to happen.

I have a loving, supporting, and trusting husband who has always had my back not matter what the situation.  Anything to do with the kids and myself...he is on automatic, King of the Kingdom!

I cannot accept that I let some man, some stranger take control of my life in the manner that he did for so long.  I consider myself for the most part to be confident, strong, head-strong, and a fighter.  All of that seemed to disappear when this monster entered my life.

I constantly hear all of the threats in my head flooding my every thoughts.  I try to contradict them with positive affirmations, but when I am overwhelmed with them, they win.

My mind is restless.  I have lots of questions, doubts, self-blame, shame, embarrassment, guild, and much more.  I realize I have to get to the point of no longer blaming myself and back to loving myself, and forgiving myself.