There are some parts in my life that I am certain I can work on in order to better myself for the greater me. There are a lot of things I can do, and need to do to help myself feel better about myself and live a healthy positive life.
During our 6 pm group last night we worked on a lifestyle balance pie which represents important factors in my life. I am happy to say that I am very satisfied with family support, personal growth, school, and my sobriety. This is not at all to say I do not need to continue to work on these areas to continue to improve them, but today, right now, these are areas in my life that I use to uplift me and provide additional motivation for me to get better and feel better.
Areas I definitely need to focus and approve in my life include: safety, mental health, work, and family financials. So, ways to move forward to a more balanced lifestyle, I need to evaluate and brainstorm ways to do this:
Safety:
With the trauma I have dealt with in my past, especially the last one, safety is a huge concern of mine for myself and my family. I have been told by my therapist at home and at my treatment program that I have to take my power back and slowly put myself back out in the "real" world to feel safe again. I want to be and feel normal outside and inside my own skin first. I want to feel okay sleeping in my own bed instead of asking my husband to come down to the living room and sleeping on the other couch. I don't want to go to bed and sleep in my clothes instead of my pajamas. I want to feel safe walking around my neighborhood to exercise without being afraid that he will just appear and keep his promise and take me to be a sex slave to anyone he chooses. I want to feel safe going out in the public without "checking" the area to see where he can hide out in an area and surprise me like he has done in the past. I want to feel safe going into different areas and not feel afraid that I am going to run into him again. I want to enjoy taking my firls to the mall with just family or with their friends and enjoy them just having fun and being silly and innocent teenagers. I don't want to fear my safety anymore.
My counselor in treatment has highly recommended us as a family getting a dog. He says that medium to larger size dogs are good in helping reduce fear, increase a sense of safety, and naturally bring families closer.
Ultimately, I want to get back to enjoying life and having a sense of true safety.
Mental Health:
For the longest time I have been focused on bettering my mental health. I know that being healthy is more than having and being physically healthy. My mental health is paramount when it comes to trying to live a productive and fulfilled life. Focusing on my mental health means that I am 100% present and 100% participating in finding healthy ways to deal with my flashbacks, nightmares, dissociate episodes, anxiety, and depression in ways that will allow me to work through different times in my life when they come up.
I have years working on meditation, deep breathing, grounding, self-soothing, and mindfulness techniques. I know these work. I have practiced them, just not as much as I should in the last almost two years.
What I do know now is that I am going to practice these healthy techniques, especially when faced with difficult and stressful situations so that I no longer self medicate in order to numb myself, escape, or hide. To get myself to deal with this stuff, I have to learn to work through, accept, and welcome my feelings, and know that feelings can never kill me, but not feeling them will and can because more than likely, pushing those feelings down, they will not stay buried deep down in my soul. My pain, my past, my feelings will rise until addressed. I just need to do, feel safe about dealing with them, and be okay with feeling my feelings.
Feelings never killed anyone!
Work:
Work - a lot more simple than safety and mental health. I did have an okay job. I enjoyed what I did, but definitely did not feel I was compensated like should have been. Nevertheless, not having a job has taken away my excuse for getting myself help and working through my "shit." So, that IS a positive. When I am ready and able, I will return to work. I will be in a better place, more confident and self-assured that the job is good to help financially support my family. However, I am also a person that will be able to contribute to the job therefore I AM an asset to the job.
Family Financials:
I believe our family financials will get better. We might have to work on a budget and minimize cost with some things, but it is do-able. And of course, obtaining employment will help out a lot.
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