Saturday, April 16, 2016

Dreams Shattered? Or A New Start?

Thursday, 05/14/2015

Today, May 14th I was supposed to be walking across the stage to receive my AA from SPCC.  This accomplishment would have been a well deserved, lots of work milestone that I had worked so hard to achieve.

I feel like I am about to explode.  Regardless of how I feel, I am going to put on my face and keep it moving.  I don't need to give any explanation on what is going on with me or the reason why I am feeling some kind of way.

I will say that the one thing I came into the hospital for was for the most part achieved.  I wanted to get away from using alcohol as a way to cope with the flashbacks, nightmares, or inability to sleep.  The medications they have me on are helping.  While my sleep is not 100% yet, last night's sleep was much better...so, I have some hope.

I have had hope during my stay at this hospital, but, nothing much has changed in regards to my situation.  All the same stressors are sill there.  It was not that I was expecting them to go away or get better by themselves.  I was just hoping to receive more direction and assistance.

So, I go home tomorrow, I have missed my graduation ceremony and not sure if I will be able to register for the summer.  NO MONEY!  I don't even know if the gas is back on at home, lights, or water are on...I have missed a week and a half of work.  NO WORK, NO PAY!

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