It is truly sad and unfortunate I have to say good-bye to alcohol.
I have enjoyed hanging out with family and friends and having a few drinks. Sometimes dancing and reminiscing of fun, good, and fond memories.
Regardless, in order to protect myself from vivid memories, flashbacks, and the need to escape from those and the feelings of guilt, I have used alcohol to escape from it all.
Not all the time. Sometimes days of no drinking. Sometimes days of drinking. All in order to escape.
In order to continue my path to walk away from feeling like a victim and thinking like a victim and learn to live as a survivor by making healthy decisions, thinking positively about myself; it will only work if I say good-bye to the alcohol.
I have come to realize, even though I have known it for awhile, saying good-bye to alcohol will make my family happy.
They would rather see and hear me crying in fear and sadness without the added effects of alcohol then with the effects of the alcohol.
Alcohol is a depressant. I am already suffering from severe depression and severe PTSD. Intellectually I understand I cannot get better if I am not willing to work through the emotions and feel the emotions whether they are feelings of helplessness, fear, or guilt.
I must say good-bye to alcohol because going to sleep to escape is no longer an option. I have people that are dependent on me. I have too many things going for me in a positive direction. I have too much more I want to accomplish.
Not saying good-bye to alcohol will not allow me to become the survivor I long to be and know that I am capable of being.
Instead of drinking an alcoholic drink when hanging out, I will just enjoy another cool non-alcoholic drink and be mindful of the time I am sharing with ones I love.
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